Mother's Day

Mother's day is a fun day. Getting pampered by the kids and Rick, making me feel more special than usual. Getting waited on for dinner, but just being together as a family is the best part! I love hanging with each of them. The weather did not hold for a barbecue, so Rick baked the chicken and we ate inside. That's a bit crowded and crazy these days, but it's fun. The boys especially need some room to run, throw and kick balls~ Indoors is just more than they can handle at their age! We look so forward to enjoying the good ol back yard again, that is if it EVER stops raining!

The morning started with a visit to see Mom. Found myself being sad, missing my Dad, wishing I was picking him up to see Mom for the day. Some Sundays are just hard and this one was kind of like that. Missing so much of what we use to have with Mom & Dad, even extended family. Found myself kind of melanchonly. (is that the right word?) anyways...I took Mom a couple of t shirts and some sweat pants. She's so hard on clothes, and the fact that I'm pretty sure they bleach about everything there! She was in her bed when I got there. I was bugged. The ward came by with a carnation, offered one to me to give her, saying, I don't know if she even understands....no, but thank you for the gesture and took one to add to her vase! She was wide awake, just playing with the cords above her bed. Her alarm was not on her, and she was just clueless of the fact that I was there. It was hard to sit there this day, but I did. Watched a little TV. The ward came by to offer the sacrament....Mom was not into this week. She kept fiddling with the cords so much that she would unplug them, one being the nurse call button. I would just plug it back in and try to distract her, but she wasn't interested or even aware of me. The aide came in to answer the call...she said "did you want to take your Mom somewhere fun?" Really....do you REALLY know my Mom and her condition....you can't take her anywhere! That annoyed me. No I said, just don't like her in her room when she's wide awake like this, Mom has always enjoyed being around the people. She told me she thought Mom would be more comfortable in her bed than that nasty chair...I didn't even respond. Just asked that the get her up and ready for lunch. SIGH! She had another aide assist with the change of her nasty clothes, breakfast was all over her. Then they put her in her chair. I sat for a few more moments, took her picture, and told her I had to go to my church. Kissed her on the forehead and she grabbed my hand and told me I looked beautiful! Thank you Mom for that sweet gift.

After church the kids were here when I arrived. It was a nice visit. My sweet gift was a gift card to Macy's for new clothes. Excited~ who doesn't love a new wardrobe in the spring time! Now if it will only get warm enough to wear them! We didn't take any pictures of the family gathered. We veged on the couch mostly or wherever we were planted. I need to be better at more picture taking!

I feel pretty honored to be a daughter, a wife, a mother and gramma, connected to such wonderful people that I call family! I watch each one of them and am in awe of who they have each become, each handling their own lives and trials. We are so lucky in our family to be close and it's my prayer always that we will continue to be so! I feel blessed to call each one of them my friend! I worry that I was the best Mom that I could be, wishing I could do some things over. But mostly grateful for the time I was allowed to be home with them. That meant so much to me, probably more to me than them! Times that I will never get back! And loving the times we share with them each now! Thanks for the honor!

On Tuesday May 3rd...I was tanning and noticed a lump on my right breast. Rubbed across it to scratch...and there it was. So prominent and huge. Scared me to death. It clearly wasn't a part of the implant so I knew I needed to have it looked at. Promptly went home and called IMC to schedule a mammogram, as it had been 2 years since my first one. I officially hate them. They really are more than uncomfortable! They in reality hurt like a ...well...they hurt like hell to be honest. No other way to describe them. To save on the dirty details...they just HURT pulling and pushing and mashing! ~. Anyway...when I called IMC to schedule, they asked if I had any problems? I told them of the lump and they told me to call my Dr so they could do a diagnostic mammogram. Of course it was surgery day and Dr Roth wasn't in the office, but I called anyway to see if Stephanie was in the office. She wasn't either, but when the receptionist asked me what was up, I told her, and she had another nurse call me back right away. She asked where I wanted it done and faxed the order over right away. Wow...that's service. I took the first available appointment on Friday May 6th. Rick overheard me making the appointment, I tried to be matter of fact about it, but that's not fair and I told him about it. We didn't speak about it much during the week, if I didn't say it out loud, then it wouldn't be bad right! I was scared! All of a sudden more advertisements about breast cancer, seeing a lady without hair due to chemo-advertisements and bulletins about breast cancer were more prevalent EVERYWHERE! Throughout the past couple of years taking care of my parents, I've said, "I'm not afraid of dieing, just the journey that will get me there!".....okay...that's a lie. I'm afraid, very afraid! More afraid of what I would leave behind!

My appointment was at 11 am, so I worked half day. By this time, my stomach was a mess! So jittery! When I arrived and they had me undress and directed me to the exam room, she marked the spot with a sticker so she could be sure to get exactly the right picture. She told me again that I would have results the same day and then I got all emotional. Or I should say, the emotional flood gate opened up. I fought it hard, but wow...it became obvious how scared I really was! They had told me when I scheduled the appointment that they would schedule an ultrasound, just in case they needed it. The mammogram itself was hell..It hurt so much. The lump is very sensitive and sore, so pulling and pressing and mashing it was no fun at all. Normally it's not fun anyway...but with this..well, I got sick, light headed, felt faint and nauseated. Took twice as long cause I'm such a wimp! The tech had to get someone to come help cause I was such a treat! I was so embarrassed! Of course they had to take extra pictures and I thought it would NEVER end! Then there was a little knock on the door and they introduced me to the ultrasound tech and said, "Mrs Blymiller, we're going to take some other pictures to be sure and this is who will take it from here." I wanted to cry at this point. Of course expecting the worst! The ultra sound was so quick and painless. Too bad they can't check the lumps this way without the fun mashing machine! They quickly pulled it up on the screen and a Dr came right in and told me that's what he thought he would see, "just a cyst, normal for "women of my age"...oh how I have learned to hate that answer!...but this time it was really a relief. I cried! He said I had several and asked if my breast were tender...ummmm YES! That's why. This is caused by high hormones and very very common. This one looks like it's on it's way out, so he just said to give it a week or so. If it continues to be bothersome, they can inject them and release the fluids. No thanks. I went directly to my car and cried from relief! Then I called Rick & Mick. Mickie had texted me earlier while I was at work to see if I wanted her to go with me. Although I wouldn't have wanted to be alone getting bad news, I did not want someone waiting and waiting while I went through the exam. If she or Rick were there during the exam, I think I would have been even more emotional. I kept it in check and I don't think I could have with her or anyone I cared about looking in on me! So grateful it's just a cyst, and so grateful I don't have an awful uphill batttle to fight! So grateful for my good health! Put's things in perspective! Doesn't really matter that I don't have much of a savings account! I have my health and my family! That's what is most important!