Happy Birthday Mom! 82! WHeW That's awesome!
Just returned home from spending a little bit of time with Mom on her birthday! It seems as if it's been a good day today. She's ready to go...always asking if I'm ready to go and what time do we need to be there....I pushed her in her wheelchair around the center and outside to see the flowers. Dinner time came so I took her in the dining room. I don't like to stay then...it's hard to watch her struggle to feed herself and she gets mad if I try to help. Still to this day, very independent in her own little way!
Today she told me she tried to get her Mom to join us, but she is sick in bed!" Dang it Grandma! Would love a visit with you...hope you get to visit with Mom in her own little world. I truely believe that the veil is very thin and she gets many visitors. I've shared with others how Mom has asked me if I have seen her Grandma & Grandpa out at the gate lately...."No, have you Mom?" I'll ask. She'll answer "no, not for a while!" I tell her it's okay to go see them! I mean that in a totally loving way! She has asked me if I would like to meet her Daddy? I just answer, no, not today!
Being at the center always makes me reflective of who my Mom is. It makes me sad that the people there who care for her, really don't know her. It's made me think of who she is to me and what she has taught me through out my life.
She's a young woman who came from down south to be in a city where the church was. I remember her telling me that there was nothing in the small town of Albany Louisiana for a young LDS girl. I can't imagine moving so far away from my family and home town...
I remember long talks at night through our bedrooms as a teenager...she would finally say, Stac, I need to sleep now. We'll talk later! She was a good friend to me and I laughed with her alot.
My earliest memories are that she has always served in the Young Women's in one way or another, mostly Secretary. Always a good record keeper! From the time I believe I was 6 or 7 I remember going to youth activities because all the babysitters were there, so Mom would bring me along. Maybe that's where my love of the Young Women was inbedded!
She's a people person. Always reaching out to others to be there friend! She speaks to those she sees always, in the halls today, she'll say hello to all who pass by her!
She taught me about prayer through example. Many nights I would come running in at my curfew to tell her I was home and goodnight and would find her on her knees or lieing there quietly saying her prayer. I would unknowingly interupt her, but she wouldn't move and I would soon get the hint to leave her alone for awhile. She taught me that going to Church was important, even if it means going alone! She loved to sing, but couldn't carry a note and she would laugh and tell you so, but she still loved the hymns. Today when she can't think of the words to say in her conversation, she will sing a part of a hymn. She ALWAYS did her visiting teaching! ALWAYS with a lesson.
She's been married to the same man for 61+ years and their love is so sweet to watch. My Dad is a "prince" as his sister describes him as he loves her so much and aches to be near her!
Oh how old age scares me. It's not death that I'm afraid of, it's the last part of the journey that I fear!
I love my Mom and I miss her terribly. Many times I wish I could call her up to share my day with her. In another world Mom, in another world!

thankful heart

it's funny how many little things in life make me think...I should blog that...and then I don't because I don't have a picture...so today just some journaling...
yesterday Shawn & Angela had 2 extra tickets to the Real game and they invited Chris and their Dad. I took the opportunity to keep Kallie. We haven't seen her much and it was fun to play with her as I ran some of my errands! She says "where is it?" Hi! and lots of chatter that only she knows. I played a cd of primary songs while in the car and she loved them...she just sat in the car seat and sang her heart out. It was so cute! I LOVE the time I get with the grandkids. There is NOTHING cooler in life than having their love! After I finished a bunch of running around, we came home and I gave her a bath and put her in her new jammies I bought her. I always try to have a set for each grandchild that stays here. We bought her a new set last night. Just as she was starting to quiet down, Mick and the fam made a surprise visit so she could feed Preslie. I was so happy and so was Kallie. She ran up and gave Talan a hug and he said.."look she so happy to see me!" When it's only Kallie at the house, she always finds Mickie's family picture I have on the book case and she'll carry it around. She must think it's so boring here without them!
After the game they all stopped at our place and for a little while, the whole family was here, minus Tahnie cause she is traveling with volleyball this weekend. It was fun to hear them all laugh and enjoy one another. Now that's pay day! Wish I could just snap pictures of the little moments like that!
Preslie is a spitter upper...ALOT! and she soaked 2 outfits in the short visit they were here. Mick asked me if maybe I could get to her doll clothes and I said better than that..lets see about the old clothes you guys use to wear. I pulled them out, and they were so stinky...smelled old! But how fun it was to see some of the stuff I put on the kids. It was only yesterday wasn't it. Shawn dubsed the first pair of Nike's he had..took them home with him! And now I'm laundering all the stuff to divvy out to those that want....I had more than I remembered!
Today Brother Bednar spoke in a special stake meeting. Rick & I were suppose to meet up with a new ward member, but we missed him..he couldn't remember where to meet us and in a crowd like that it's hard to find a face you think may be someone you have never met. We did speak on the phone after and we're going over to meet him this week. It's so hard initiating the first meet...so uncomfortable! Not sure I will ever get over that one..anyway, glad he made it to the meeting. It was awesome!
I love that man. Simple and frank, the way the gospel really is. He taught how we tend to look at free agency the wrong way...that it's our choice...we can do as we please....not really. The Lord has set the terms and conditions...we don't! We accepted and now the choice is to CTR!! How simple is that. I wish all of our kids would have come. Kind of like the credit card world I work at...We as the company, set the terms & conditions of the loan or credit card. If you accept them, the terms are such that you HAVE to pay it back, or there are consequences. The customer doesn't make the terms...not at all. Same as the Gospel. Heavenly Father made the plan, set the plan out for us, told us the terms, and we accepted. Now what! CTR!

As each Sunday is, I went out to get Dad to see Mom. Today was a hard day. Mom is speaking a little bit better...but only half of her sentence makes sense! Today as Dad was sitting next to her holding her hand, she looked at me and whispered to him.."who's that?" Then she asked Dad.."didn't we use to live together?" He teared up and said, yes we did..yes we did...we both cried, then Mom was sad. I wonder sometimes...what's the pay off? to live to be old so I can have my heart break cause me and my sweetheart can't live together cause one of us is too weak and the other one is without a mind? I don't get it? I don't want to get it or understand it! I want it to stop! Does that make me a bad daughter?