Mom

Today, between conferences, Rick & I took off to visit with Mom. Just in time for lunch. Looks like she's ready eh? She actually did wake up and allowed me to feed her the "yummy" pureed selection of beans, mashed potatoes and turkey and tapioca. She ate every bite! They say she eats like a champ like that most meals....but she's still loosing weight! Her body just can't absorb the nutrients any more. (Both Linda & I could not stand meal time for so long....Mom would play in her food like a small child...now we find it a service to feed Mom---interesting how things turn!) She was alert, although you can't tell from this picture and interacted with me throughout the meal. She took my hand several times, just to hold it and even looked at me. I guess you can call today a good day! Lyndsey's report says that she had a few good day, and a few not so good this past week. Tuesday or Wednesday, she said Mom's breathing was shallow, labored and she was non responsive, felt like she was on her last hours..days...but then she came back the following day and she's back to her "normal" self. She continues to surprise her each week! I spoke with Lyndsey a little bit about the suctioning of Mom...wondering if this is something we should be doing. Is this her way of going and they just won't allow her to. When I spoke with Marlene her aide last week, she described to me how awful it was in the dining room with her one of those times. How Mom went white and Dale basically brought her back. Lyndsey states, her heart would have stopped and she would have peacefully gone- maybe....I question why Dale choose to "bring her back".....I asked Lyndsey to make sure he was on the same page as we are....let her go home! Of course I don't want her to gurgle and suffer, but if she's just simply not breathing...it's okay. She's ready to go! I love my Mom and miss her terribly....and feel like a heartless daughter when I have those conversations with the nurse...but honestly....I don't want them fighting to keep her here. Her spirit is locked in a shell of a body that use to be my Mom.....