Thursday, August 26, Mom turned 83. She seemed happy this day. I had stopped at Schmidts, and bought her a piece of her favorite cake that we use to have with her over her birthday, usually up at Uncle Leo's for the family reunion! She LOVED it and ate every last bite. I also gave her a new little outfit. I hate how her clothes get ruined and she looks so messy most of the time. When she eats, her meal is all over the front of her. And they don't bother to change her, mostly because they just don't have time. Makes me crazy. Wonder if they would like to wear clothes all day they had spilled their coffee or meal down the front of them...and they wonder why she gets agitated. Wouldn't you! I had asked Mick if she wanted to join me and she gladly said yes. We didn't get there until dinner time. Oh how I HATE dinner time! They hadn't brought the meal yet, they were just gathering all the patients in the dining room so it wasn't bad. We just visited with Mom there. The patients loved having the kids there. Mom usually won't sit still, always pushing her way around the center, saying hello to everyone. One man told me last week that she always comes to sing to him in the morning. Not sure how I feel about that! But she's happy! That's good. She has no idea who I or anyone else is. Not even the people that care for her daily. Each of us a new person, each day. Mom says funny things, mostly stuff that doesn't make sense. She said Preslie is a beautiful little boy. The kids are kind of scared of her. Talan wouldn't stand next to her for the picture, but he likes to go. He went with me a few weeks ago when the boys slept over. Safe distance though, not too close! I hope my Mom has a happy year. I guess if your going to be a widow, Mom's state of mind is the way to do that. I can only hope that in this little world that she lives in, that she gets to visit with those loved ones that have past on and that her & Dad can finally see more of one another again! She talks about loved ones alot, mostly her Mom & Daddy. She'll ask me if I've seen her Daddy, or if I want to meet him. I just say, no, not today Mom, but if you see him, go with him okay! When she refers to her Dad, she's speaking of my Dad, but when she says Daddy, it's her Dad. It's just like when your raising your kids, and you learn to follow their language. Last Sunday, when Rick & I visited her, we were in her room and Rick was sitting on a chair next to her and I was on her bed. She scooted her chair right up to Rick, as close as she could, patted his leg, and flirted a bit. Rick was George that day, and if Rick would have leaned into her, I know she would have kissed him. It was kind of funny, but creepy too! We usually laugh some when we visit, if we don't, then we would cry! I wish I could say visiting her is easy, but I can't. It's a challenge and it breaks my heart that she is not the woman she use to be! I miss my Mom. I miss the times that I could talk with her and share my life with her. That part has been gone for a very long time!

Payson is in the 2nd grade this year. Can you believe it! He's grown so fast! And he's lovin the 2nd grade. Friday, they had what they call the fun run. That's where the kids run for 20 minutes to raise money for their school. I changed my lieu day to have that day off and Rick took the day off so we could go out there to support him. I LOVE being there for stuff like that. He would run faster as he ran past us. He's such a champ. He tallied 19 runs around their ring they had set up! Pretty dang good. I bet the kids were quiet the rest of the day for their teachers!! Talan & I even ran around once too. Grampa didn't think we could do it, but we showed him! Afterwards, Rick & I went to Mick's for a bit, colored with Talan, played with Preslie and held Hayden. Then we had to go get some paper's signed for Mom's benefits. It was a good day, just hanging out with my hubby and grandkids.

So Rick & I have been talking about loosing weight for some time now. We would cut back, work out a little, Rick more than I...and nothing....nothing would change and we both hated how our body's had changed. Mostly we just want to feel better. This HCG diet is a diet that we have heard a lot about, and I have hesitated due to the 500 calorie a day...are ya kidding me! Who does that! Of course you would loose weight! Anyhow's...several people at work have done it and been very successful, so Rick & I decided to do it. We're on our 9th day, and yes we are hungry! The late afternoon and nights are the worst. We both mentioned this morning that we weren't really hungry. But I'm not going to lie...a good ol choclate chip cookie sounds pretty good about now! Rick has lost 17 lbs. and I have lost 10...yeah that stinks too, but they even told us at the health food store that I should be prepared to watch the weight just fall off of Rick. Man, that is just not fair! Neither of us feels ANY different at all. That's discouraging! But I'm trying hard to be patient, knowing full well that the first part is water weight. The next few weeks will be the test. We will be on this for 26 days...we're on our 9th day. Friday night we went on a little date night to see the movie, Eat, Pray, Love, with Julia Roberts. It's about how she wants this major life change and travels the world. Italy was one of her first stops...the food shots were unbelievable! It was just like a food or restaurant commercial! Basically, the date night was pure torture. I wanted to get out of the house so we wouldn't want to eat...not a good choice, now all I want to do is have one big plate of spaghetti!
Chris keeps tempting us with offers of their junk food. He tells me I'm weak and I won't last. Makes me want to do it even more! Just like when they all told me I wouldn't sky dive...but more than ever, I want to feel better. I want to have more energy and not ache like an ol lady! The plan forces you to plan and prepare meals a head of time. It's made Rick & I sit down for a meal together..and many of them we will have even when we're not on this silly diet! It's all about the amounts really.
Sundays are tough for me still. I just hate staying home after Church. I really miss Dad then! It's surprising how use to something your whole existence becomes to. The routine of the crazy drive to & from to get him, and the visit with Mom trying to have some kind of conversation. I really miss that! A lot! So today, I looked at Rick and said, let's hike to Lake Mary. It's up Brighton canyon and I remember it to be more of a walk really...he just looked at me funny and did what I asked as usual. So I wasn't the brightest crayon in the box. Even a slight climb, at a high altitude was more than our bodies could take at this point. 500 calories is just not enough! So we just sat and gazed around at the beauty for a bit, enjoyed each other's company and came back home. We just don't do that enough! I love Rick, I love the mountains. I miss spending more time there! I want to camp more. I want to play more. It was cool today, only about 60 degrees, but a beautiful day it was!

Summertime is over. The kids are all in school, and it's just plain...I don't know..it's depressing! The wave runners haven't even come out of the tent this summer...SaD!! I have always hated saying goodbye to summer! I have so much to catch up on..so many thoughts and activities with Rick & I and the kids. I feel like I lost the whole month of July! What happened, where did it go?? Next goal, make up some blogging...so many pictures, so many things, but it's time to say goodnight!

Hayden Tate was born on August 3, 2010. What an entrance. After giving us stress about when he was going to arrive, before the funeral, during the funeral, or maybe at the cemetery when Mick fell...he came just a few days later. And he took his time! Wonder what those great grandpa's and grandma's were telling him about! I felt like my Dad was holding him up there, I could hear him say..."those girls have been through enough" let's just wait a spell!" And he did. Mick was in labor all day long after they started her. She arrived at the hospital around 9 am and she didn't deliver him until 730 ish pm. When he was layed on her tummy, I knew that he had just left my Dad. That made me cry! It caught me off guard how emotional I was about it. I had to really swallow hard! What a comfort it has been to hold him! If only he could talk and tell us about heaven. How cool would that be! Mick & Brandyn have their little hands full. It's been a blessing in disguise to have Brandyn home to help Mick through this. I know that Heavenly Father has something in store for them as far as work goes. I just pray it's not miles and miles away!!!

It's been a month ago today that Dad passed away. Seems like yesterday, or just a few days ago anyway. What a whirlwind of stuff to do, gathering of most of our loved ones, and honoring my perfect Dad! So much I want to journal about that time...so many tender things, but not here, I think I'll do a book for all of us...in my spare time! Dad died on Friday, and we didn't have his memorial until the following Saturday. This was to allow as many to come as wanted to. Karen & Dale arrived at Linda's (the gathering place) on Sunday afternoon. We met with Jared Fairbanks the mortician that evening. That's when it all began I guess and it didn't stop until the Wednesday following Dad's funeral! Brent & Linda arrived on Wednesday early afternoon, and Janell & Bo with their little one arrived later that day. Aunt Bonnie, Mom's sister and son Tommy arrived on Friday afternoon. We really didn't stop all week! And they all stayed at Linda's! I even slept over from Thursday-Saturday. Felt like I was missing out on some party or something, and well the drive...it stinks!
My most favorite part about the whole ordeal was the gathering of our family. Aunt Bonnie & Tommy being here was beyond cool! To have Aunt Bonnie sit and tell us not only who was in pictures, but the story about them was the coolest story time I have ever had! I so wish we had a recorder going! Our children would gather at night for eats, and visits, that was so nice. We just don't do that enough! Dad was surely smilin down on all of that! It brought us 4 siblings together to plan something honorable and memorable for a man we love so much. It was sweet. The care of Dad has forced (not sure I like that word but don't know what else to call it) Linda & I to communicate, talk, share, and even vent many times over for the past 2 1/2 years. It's brought us closer as we shared not only the care of Dad, but many of our own heart aches and joys with our own family! It makes me sad to think that we don't have that any more. Mick says, well, what are you going to do about it Mom? It will take effort, just like any friendship does!
Of course emotions were all over the place this week. Still are at times. Find myself missing Dad so much on Sundays. Driving to Mom's yesterday brought tears to my eyes as I remembered how very tender he was with her each and every week!
The hardest time for me was driving home Sunday night after most everything was over. I cried like a baby! I felt like I was driving away from something that I will NEVER have again. What will happen to our family now that our Dad is gone. How will we come together. Only time and efforts will tell!